Talking To Your Teens About Dating Abuse 

By Claire Bernstein, JCADA Intern

Consider all of the things teens have to deal with on a daily basis- school, friends, sports, hobbies, after-school jobs, community service projects, and college applications. 1 in 3 teens is also dealing with an unhealthy relationship that could include physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from their boyfriend or girlfriend. 

We believe our children would talk to us if he/she was having trouble, but statistics say otherwise. Only 33% of teens who have been in an abusive relationship have ever told anyone. Many victims of dating violence keep quiet and stay in an abusive relationship because they are scared, anxious, embarrassed, or ashamed. A victim may not talk to a parent or other trusted adult because they are worried that their partner will retaliate or hurt them if they tell about the abuse. We cannot assume that our teens will admit to us that their relationship is an unhealthy one, especially unprompted.  

If you think your child is in an unhealthy relationship or you want to raise the topic of teen dating abuse, there are a number of positive actions you can take using the three Ds:

·         Direct

o   Directly talk to your teen and tell them that you are concerned.

o   Pick a private and comfortable place to talk to your child.

o   If your teen jokes about dating violence, take the opportunity to discuss why dating violence is a serious issue.

o   Talk to your teen with a nonjudgmental and open attitude.

o   Use “I” statements when talking to your child: “I feel concerned about your safety” “I get upset when I hear you joke about dating violence”. This will help you teen understand that you are not trying to attack them or their relationship.

·         Distract

o   Encourage your teen to participate in extracurricular activities, school programs, and family events.

o   Abusers often try to isolate a victim, so ensure that your teen has hobbies and activities outside of their dating relationship.

·         Delegate

If your teen is not responsive to your efforts to talk, this is a great strategy for you to use. You are still being proactive and doing something about the violence by getting help from others or raising awareness about teen dating violence.

o   Give your child resources about healthy relationships or how to get help if they are in an abusive relationship.

o   Call JCADA’s helpline at 1-877-88-JCADA(52232) for advice on how to talk to your teen about dating violence.

o   Visit jcada.org for a full list of resources about teen dating violence.

o   Schedule JCADA’s “It’s Not Love” teen dating awareness program for your child’s school or youth group.

To learn more about how you can empower and help your child, visit jcada.org. You can also attend Choose Respect Montgomery, an event on March 3, 2013 for parents and teens to learn about the myths of dating violence and how to help a friend who is in an unhealthy relationship.