Passover 5775

By Maharat Ruth Balinsky Friedman

Each Passover we are required to participate in a seder. We join our family, friends, and community to recount the horrors of slavery, and celebrate the miracles with which God delivered us from Egypt and into freedom. As we sing together, the ultimate goal of the seder is to arrive at the point where we all see ourselves as though we were the Israelites who fled Egypt in the middle of the night.

In keeping with the theme of the seder, we must ask a question: Why? Why must we relive the experience of slavery and redemption?

We must relive the experience of slavery and redemption because our collective memory of slavery in Egypt serves a critical role in defining our peoplehood. Throughout the Torah, God commands us to love and protect the stranger, “for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” In parashat Mishpatim, this commandment is placed in the middle of a series of laws that God has given us to govern our society, sending us the clear message that our law and order is defined by our ability to recognize the vulnerability in others, and that we must embrace and support it.

The stranger often appears in our text along with the orphan and the widow. Together, these three groups form the trifecta of the most vulnerable members of our community. It is no surprise that these are the three groups that we are commanded to protect - in a patriarchal society, the widow and orphan lack a male figure to support them financially. The stranger does not have a familial and communal structure to offer him guidance and support. Because they lack these basic resources that the rest of us have, we are obligated to provide these resources for them.

The Rambam contributes a fascinating voice in this discussion. In the Mishneh Torah, Hilchot De’ot 6:10 he writes, “A person is obligated to show great care for orphans and widows because their spirits are very low and their feelings are depressed. This applies even if they are wealthy. We are commanded to [show this attention] even to a king’s widow and his orphans as [implied by Exodus 22:21]: ‘Do not mistreat any widow or orphan.’”

With this statement, the Rambam dispels a potential and likely misconception - that the commandment to protect the most vulnerable in our society only applies when those individuals appear to be suffering. We may think that wealthy orphans and widows do not need our care, but we would be mistaken. The commandment applies regardless, because we should never assume that individuals in our midst are thriving just because they appear to be.

This is a powerful lesson for us to remember this Passover. Many believe that domestic abuse has an obvious and detectable effect on its victims, and therefore unless an individual’s suffering is readily apparent, everything is assumed to be alright. Tragically, the opposite is often true. As we know, not all abuse is physical and victims of domestic abuse often are able to conceal their suffering and lead others to believe that they are fine. Learning the potential warning signs of domestic abuse is key to raising our own awareness and sensitivity to the needs of others. This Passover, let us remember the lesson of the commandment to care for the stranger, orphan, and widow in our midst - we must care for the most vulnerable people in our community, even if they don’t appear to be suffering. And as we celebrate the seder let us all see ourselves as though we were slaves in Egypt, and remember our obligation to support others in need. We wish you a meaningful and joyous holiday.

Maharat Ruth Balinsky Friedman currently serves at Ohev Shalom: The National Synagogue and as the Conversion Coordinator for the Beltway VAAD. For more information on how to recognize the warning signs of abuse, visit http://jcada.org/WarningSigns.

EMDR: An Alternative Trauma Treatment

By Tracie Doherty, JCADA Clinical Intern, & Rahel Schwartz, PhD, LCSW-C, JCADA Clinical Director

As Abby* enters the intake room at JCADA, she makes sure to secure the seat closest to the door. She scans the room and nervously wrings her hands as she assesses the safety of the office. Abby reports that although she left her abusive marriage two years ago, she doesn’t feel like the abuse stopped. She describes the fear that she experiences whenever she smells a man wearing the same aftershave as her ex-husband. When out driving, passing a car with the same make and model as her ex-husband’s instantly brings her back to the times he would erratically drive their car at high speeds though she begged him to stop. Abby started to weep as she confided in her therapist that she did not even feel safe at home. She recounts waking up from nightmares that feel so real that she has to remind herself out loud that she got away before struggling to fall back asleep. As if living with such panic and recurring nightmares isn’t bad enough, she struggles with chronic pain that interferes with her ability to be active. Though she has had some success with therapy before, Abby wonders if she will ever fully recover from the trauma she has experienced.

Abby is representative of many of JCADA’s clients who continue to suffer from the effects of the abuse they endured even years after leaving the relationship. While traditional talk therapy has demonstrated effectiveness in reducing clients’ symptoms, sometimes alternative interventions are necessary. JCADA already offers our clients Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Art Therapy and Biofeedback, but hopes to secure funding for training our clinicians in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).

EMDR allows traumatic memories to be processed through exercises that engage both sides of the brain. Our memories are linked in networks that contain related thoughts, images, and emotions.¹ The goal is for the client to develop a more adaptive set of beliefs, emotions, and physical responses to allow for those traumatic memories to be adequately integrated into other memory networks.

EMDR has proven to be effective in treating trauma. Leading trauma researcher Bessel Van Der Kolk discussed a study he conducted in which subjects who were treated with EMDR

did substantially better than those given Prozac or a placebo. Furthermore, the EMDR group continued to improve after treatment ended while the group treated with Prozac relapsed

when they went off of the drug. Clinical researchers also found that EMDR successfully reduces sensitivity to physical pain, a benefit to victims and survivors who experience chronic or intermittently-triggered physical symptoms.² While there is no miracle cure for reversing the harmful effects of abuse, EMDR is recognized as one of the most effective treatments for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) developed as a result of trauma experienced as an adult.³ EMDR can be beneficial for both clients who have left an abusive relationship and for those who would like to process past trauma prior to entering into a new relationship.

As it stands, an estimated 100,000 mental health practitioners have been trained in EMDR since its development in 1989. Due to its success rates, a number of domestic violence and sexual assault organizations have adopted EMDR as one of their preferred methods of intervention.

*Name has been changed to protect the identity of client.

1 Grant, M., & Threlfo, C. (2002). EMDR in the treatment of chronic pain. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 58(12), 1505-1520.

2 Ibid.

3 Van der Kolk, B. A. (1994). The body keeps the score: Memory and the evolving psychobiology of posttraumatic stress. Harvard review of psychiatry,1(5), 253-265.